There are days I simply wish it were over. I don’t want to know who I am and I don’t want to face another night. It’s different when the sun goes down. I know and they know and the world just goes on.
When I was a kid I would read every fantasy novel I could get my hands on. I was the skinny kid saving his pennies for the dictionaries on Middle Earth and I was the kid alone on the playground acting out the last epic battle of good versus evil.
Teachers would pull my mother aside and tell her that I made other children uncomfortable. That the reason I was picked on and ridiculed was because I was allowed to stay in my fantasy world. I’ll give my mother this, as tired and over worked as she was, she stood up for me.
Every once in a while she would pick me up early from school, sign me out and we would have ice cream in the full light of day. I know that she felt it was us against them but at that time I didn’t know how many battles fronts she was fighting.
She didn’t come home one night. They found her remains three months later down by Navy Pier. She didn’t die there. The police still call it an open case. The cops that investigated her murder even came around to check on me in foster care. Of course that told me she didn’t die easy, it wasn’t quick.
I was thirteen when she died and foster care was one of the worst things that could have happened to me. You see when they tapped on my window and I cried for help, my foster parents didn’t believe me. At one point I was institutionalized for schizophrenic behavior. That was worse because then the bastards could walk right in – the loons invited them in all the time. Nobody questions why a homeless schizoid dies alone – they just pack them off to cold storage.
Strange, the loons never turned. Never.
I would have been lost if my screams hadn’t been heard by a weary old priest. He didn’t believe me that they could crawl along the ceiling and hide in shadows but he did give me a golden crucifix that has never left me.
You don’t know how desperate and crazy you can sound when a white clad orderly is standing in the doorway with a straight jacket for you and one of the cursed ones is smiling at you from the ceiling; they would crawl around like flies. I think many of the inmates went crazy after they arrived.
I sleep in the basement of the church now. I do odd jobs so they let me. I sleep well there despite the unbelief of the old priest who saved me.
I miss my mother.
I work hard to avenge her. That’s what she did, worked hard. Maybe it will all end with me.